Meth is Satan's Drug
Hi, I am Shelly. I am 37, NEVER a meth user. Tried pot once and hated it. I have been married to my husband for 15 years and we've been together for 18. The only thing I have ever been addicted to was cigarettes and I dropped them like a hot potato one day, cause I felt like it. I just don't have an addictive personality
My stepdaughter is now 24. She had her first child at 19, my husband and I have custody of him now because of Meth. She started using Meth at 20. She went on a three year spree of sex, drugs alchol, adultry, stealing, dishonoring, etc. She never had a job or a place to lay her head for more than a week. She had her personal belongings all over the county.
You have DFCS involved, the police, people are calling all hours of the night looking for her. Your husband gone all hours looking for her. She'd stay gone. She didn't come around for 2 years. Then she'd come home, you'd fight with her and she's gone again. One day she came back and slept for a week. Then she'd leave again. It was a vicious cycle. One day I got a call from the school she graduated from and they said a lady in Maine, some 1000 miles away, had her HS diploma from a storage room auction. The lady mailed it back to me, I will keep it until my daughter is mature enough.
She had another child by her cousins husband at the age of 21. The baby was born addicted to Meth and mamed. She has acute asthma, a mamed foot and is being raised by her other grandmother, the fathers mother. The father was killed in a car accident when the baby was five months old. We don't get to see this baby. But I love her very much.
My stepdaughter will turn 25 in May, now is recovering from Meth going on 1 1/2 years with one slip up. I don't know if you count in between those or not. She has had another son that is 8 months old. Thank God she was clean throughout his pregnancy. She is raising him, and she still isn't fixed. She has been doing really good though. She and her boyfriend are really trying. But I still have her diploma. :-)
When my husband and I married in 1994, he was a heavy pot user and drinker. I didn't mind it so much, but I didn't like it either. My whole family was involved. How do you fight that battle when everyone is against your moral ideals? You pray. It has only been the past 5 to 6 years that I have literally hated being married. I often have wondered how I can be a Christian and believe in marriage so much. But all the prayer is paying off. It's just in God's time, not ours.
My own personal hell started in 2004, when I started noticing a huge change in my husband. Little did I know....The moodiness, depression, can't "get it up" and anxious attitude was all because of Meth. The same stuff he was trying to fight his own kid on! I started noticing him 'hiding' from me. Having a secret life. Staying in the basement room and catching him watching porno tapes. He'd fall asleep watching them and we have kids. I'd get so mad and we'd fight and scream. Nothing getting accomplished. It made me feel unwanted and that he thought of me as a whore when we did sleep together.
He didn't understand that when I'd tell him. His anger was awful. The secret phone calls and excuses to leave the house late at night. He was already working a 2nd shift job, so it just sorta fell into play that they call him in on his nights off. The thing with my husband is he has kept his job through all this and he eats regularly. He was always one to not sleep much, so that was hard to pin on him, when he was up for days at a time. Then one night before my sons baseball game, I see him take something from him truck and eat it. I wasn't sure what it was but I knew it wasn't good. He made a complete jerk out of himself that night in front of everyone. He was coaching 3rd base and my son didn't do exactly what he said and was tagged out, so he flys off the handle on my kid in front of everyone. I stood up, called my husband out on the field and ordered my son off the field. That night wasn't good. We fought loudly.
I began finding phone calls on his cell phone to local call girls, lots of them, but the calls only lasting 1 to 2 mins. Were they scheduling meetings. What!?!?!?!? I knew something was up and I didn't want to admit it. I felt so stupid and completely clueless on how to handle the situation. I didn't really believe in divorce. Why should I anyway, I loved the man. How was I supposed to do this alone anyway? I have never been without him in all my adult years. I didn't know who I was by myself. I would confront him and we would fight, cause he would lie. I would tell him he was a liar and we'd fight some more. The name calling was horrible. The days and nights of constant crying were exhausting. God was the only magnificant thing that kept me going.
Then I found the drugs. Whoo Hoo, I had him now. I had it in my hand... many times over the years. He couldn't deny, right?! Well, he did, everytime. He would lie and say it was someone else's, or that it was epsom salt or no no no, the best one was, get this...carpet cleaner. Yep, carpet cleaner. He even tried to pass it off one time as my stepdaughters and that he was working undercover for the cops! And that he was a narc to keep HER from going to jail. I have heard it all. Although she is a recovering meth addict herself, this was sick.
In 2005, he had a stroke. I was clueless that this stuff caused that to happen. Heck to my knowledge and his lies, he had quit. I heard the nurse tell him to lay off the street drugs. We fought some more. Although, he was paralyzed for a week that still didn't teach him to lay off the drugs. He was lucky and didn't even care.
In 2006, his father died of a heart attack. He has never been the same since. My family didn't spend Fathers Day or Christmas together that year with him. In 2007, we didn't spend any holiday at all together. In 2008, I had a partial husband. But still a heavy user. We had all the holidays. He lost his job on April 24, 2008.
I found out in January 2009 he uses Meth by shooting it up. The lumps on his arms are awful and ugly. He is deep in depression. The anger and hurt that he puts on us is hard to bear sometimes. I am so tired. It is so hard. I just don't know how much longer we can do this. Then one day, three weeks ago, there was different kind of prayer that came from me as I found him sleeping and that was the day of our Revelation. God said to me that this is my child. Love him as I do. And I did. I felt so overwhelmed with love I could not imagine life without him.
That morning, within an hour of my prayer and revalation my husband finally admitted selling and using to me! Me! Now he is on his second week of being clean. You have start somewhere right? He is sleeping anywhere between 16 - 19 hours a day. He is up long enough to eat, pee and do minor things around the house. His attitiude is better, but still awful. He is battling and I am going to battle with him. I love my husband. Please pray for my kids to hang in there. They still don't know.
I won't down play anything in our lives from Meth. It is a living hell. If hell had a symbol it is Meth. This is satan's drug. It will kill, steal and destroy everything in its path. It is relentless, unremorsefull, disgusting and plentifull. It will not ever go away, but we can conquer this evil drug. I just kept thinking that if this were my child, would I give up on him? Of course not! And this is my husband for crying out loud....for better or worse, sickness and health. I can't give up....I wouldn't want him to give up on me.
--Shelly
Labels: crystal meth, CrystalClear, CrystalClear™, Meth, Meth addictions, Meth users
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