addicted to meth
Hi everyone so this is my story, When I was 21yrs old I met a guy that was 36yrs old. I thought he was great and fell deeply inlove with him. I did not know a thing about Drugs and was very anti drugs. We had alot of problems from the start that I ignored because I was inlove. He had a very bad anger problem and I was always wondering why he was on my A$S about nothing.
After close to year of being together I found these glass pipe. To my horror I found out that he was addicted to meth. Eventually I became involved in taking pills then moved onto my first try of meth by smoking it over the course of the next year I would try pills and meth every no and then. I started getting scared that I would turn into an addicted because by this time I had tried meth over 10 occasions ( a few times smoking then I started snorting).
I gradually stop taking ALL drugs because it was a weekend party thing for me but then I started getting really scared I would end up in a state that I saw most people I hung around with in. My partner still uses and has been a user for the past 15 years - Going by what he has told me. He is now 40 and says that he wants to stop. He is what you call a functioning addict - He has hels a job the 4 years we have been together and seems to hide it very well. Half the time I have know Idea when he is using.
He usaually stays home alot but once every so often he will want to go out with his friends to thos Rave parties. We used to go together but since I have no interest in Drugs he knows I would probably be a 'drag' to take to those places. My stand point is this if you really want to stop using meth - or any drugs you don't go and put yourself in a place where there would be people doing it. He says he really wants to stop this time and that 'he can feel' it is coming to end for him. I want to believe him but he is going off this weekend again to another Rave. It hurts like hell that I have been nothing but second place to everything in his life and I hate that I have put my life on hold for someone so much older than me who should know better.
I am only 25yrs old and I feel like I am 50. We are no longer living together because I want to see if he really will kick this Demon Drug out of his life for good. What really annoys me is that he says if he stops taking meth for good then he doesnt see anything wrong with taking a pill (extasy) 'every now and then' to 'let his hair down, because he works so hard and deserves it'.
I am sick of the emotional and sometimes physical abuse I get inflicted on me simply because He wants to defend this demon. Are asked him recently dont you just want to have a normal relationship with me? He says Yes I really want us to work because I love you so much but you have to let me do this (quit) on my own when I am ready I told I can do that but I am not wasting another 4 years of my life waiting for him to get better so there has to be progress ASAP but he still wants to go to this Rave on the weekend!
I said that just shows you are not serious and he said that 'these things take time, I cant be cured in one day and I have already bought the ticket'. I just pray something will happen soon! Wether it be I get fed up for good and CUT HIM OFF OUT OF MY LIFE or he turns into one of the success stories. I just dont know but I cant play this game anymore. There is so much hurt he has done to me - it is so painful. I wouldnt even know if he has cheated on me and I dont know if I could handle it if he has...But I do know if I found out anything like that it would be the breaking point for me and I would be able to look at him again...and yes I do know that doing meth does feel like he is cheating on my with Tina...I am grateful that we have no children together because this is hard enough to deal with by myself ...
The confusing thing about it is that the user seems to have you convinced that they dont use as much which you in your heart cannot be true even if you can't pin point when it is happening you just have that 'gut feeling' it sucks . Thank you for listening.
--Sarah
Labels: addicted to Meth, crystal meth, drug abuse, meth addiction treatment, Meth addictions, Meth Lab, Meth users, methamphetamine
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